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EVER BEEN TO A PINTEREST CLASS????

September 15, 2013

Have you ever heard of a Pinterest class? Well, me either, until recently….There’s an art center in town that has a monthly Saturday class that focuses on Pinterest ideas. This month, the Pinterest idea was this….

 

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HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN CANVAS QUOTES!

So when my dear friend, Kristi, texted we should go, I thought, “sure! I can do this! ”

So for the last week I have been trying to think of quotes….I didn’t want to do any of the ones in the picture. See,  I try to be original…not a copycat… So I texted Kristi and asked her what her quote was going to be. She texted back, “I’m thinking something short….Like, “HO HO HO” for Christmas.” I texted back that I didn’t know what to do, and she said, “you should do ‘Amazeballs.” Apparently, I say that word frequently. But I’m working on the no cussing thing…still. More on that later. So I texted her back and said, “I think I am going to do, “Who’s gonna check me, Boo?!?!” from the Real Housewives of Atlanta.  She texted me back that she doesn’t watch that series. I texted back that I don’t know how we are friends.

So I started thinking and making a list of quotes….Here is what I came up with….

Who’s gonna check me, Boo?!?! (for any RHOA fans out there)

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.  (For mom-cave)

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  (for Christmas time)

You’ll never know dear, how much I love you (for Cameron’s room because I used to sing this to him all the time while I rocked him to sleep)

So fast forward to Saturday night.  Kristi picks me up with her new neighbor, Nicole, and off we go to the Art center. We are the last to arrive, so see, I am not the only one…and we realize that we cannot all sit at one table and talk shit mess on the others. So Nicole gets the table with the real serious artsy people and Kristi and I get the table with the two, single, college girls who like to craft and knit on the weekends. Ok maybe not knit, but they did say they love crafty stuff. I didn’t get their names, but I heard one tell her name was “Helen, like Helen Keller”. That’s a direct quote.

So we listen to our instructions and start our project. I go to pick up the style of letters that they have for us on the table and the teacher asks what my quote is going to be. I tell her I am still undecided but torn between two. She asks what two, and I hesitate to tell her. I ask her if she watches the Real Housewives of Atlanta and she shook her head no, but out of the corner of my eye, I see a woman at another table pop her head up. I tell the teacher that she won’t understand the quote and she asks me to tell her anyway, so I do and she shakes her head and says, “oh no, I don’t know what that means.” The woman at the other table giggles and I realize she is on my team. She gets it.  Next, I notice there are not a lot of packages of letters on the table, and ask the teacher if that was enough for the class and she seems to think it is. She was wrong…

So I change my mind. I change my quote to “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”  And I start to cut out my letters and place them when I realize a few things….

1. There isn’t enough letters for my quote.

2. There are people standing around asking where all the letters are because they don’t have any.

3. To make up for the letters I do not have, I would have to trace letters onto contact paper and I was short 5 letters. And tracing letters on contact paper and trying to remove the backing was a bitch. I took a pic of Helen’s friend who was having some major issues.

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The “artsy” people are behind her.

So me, not being the selfish type, feels like I should do the right thing and change my quote. Thereby, allowing others to have more access to letters. So I go back to my original quote of “Who’s gonna check me Boo” . Immediately upon changing my quote, everyone starts taking my letters! So I take what I need and realize I am still two letters short…Because Helen Keller next to me stole mine.

Where's my "H" I just cut out? Oh there it is Helen....

Where’s my “H” I just cut out? Oh there it is Helen….

 

But that’s ok, I make some out of contact paper, which was a pain to do!  The letters “H” and “O” can’t be seen because they are on clear contact paper…

I texted ryan my picture and he texts back, I think u are missing, Ho.

I texted ryan my picture and he texts back, I think u are missing, Ho.

 

So now its time to paint. I thought I could be artsy like the girls at Nicole’s table. I thought I would edge the picture in black and have a layer of Peach buffed in, and the center be grey. Peach for the Atlanta Housewives, get it? Well, they didn’t have a peach colored paint….They had coral. And well, I tried…And had I had more than 40 minutes to paint and dry and remove the letters and modpodge, I probably could have done it. But my attempt ended up looking like this.

You can barely see my clear letter "o"....you peel the letters off after the paint dries.

You can barely see my clear letter “o”….you peel the letters off after the paint dries.

You can’t even see my coral edge….Plus I got black paint on Kristi’s masterpiece. She was not happy…. But I quickly helped her touch it up. Her quote was “Fancy Pants” because she says it often, much like the chicks on Real Housewives of Orange County.

 

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So I give up and start using the hair dryer to dry my canvas. And while doing so, I notice the “artsy” people getting frustrated and the other artsy one trying to be funny. “Can I buy a vowel?” followed by his annoying laughter.   I bet he needed an “O” too. I can’t remember what his quote was because it was long as hell and it was from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer’s Night Dream.  See, I told you…Artsy…

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“I just want my sun to shine through the back of this” she whines.

 

So now I think my canvas is dry because it feels like forever standing there holding a dryer….so I attempt to pull my letters off. One rips and I say, “SHIT!”  Kristi said it too so don’t get all, “Tsk tsk” on me…

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I stopped peeling letters after the C. According to the teacher, who came over after she heard me say, “shit!”, you have to be really patient and allow your canvas to be dry. Which I did not dry completely and am not patient. Neither is Helen Keller.

This was her face when I told her they were closing soon and she needed to hurry and paint.

This was her face when I told her they were closing soon and she needed to hurry and paint.

 

Kristi, being the Fancy Pants she is, was already done mod-podging her canvas. I guess that’s what happens when you choose a small quote.

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Nicole was finished as well.

She was able to get that two tone look I was looking for....which secretly pisses me off.

She was able to get that two-tone look I was looking for….which secretly pisses me off.

 

So I say screw it. I have modge podge at home. I got paint on my chair, on the back of my chair, on my cute cardigan, and all over my hands and under my nails. I was done.  I’ll do it where I am not rushed and annoyed.  As I am cleaning my hands, the woman who heard me say my quote to the teacher comes up to me and says, “I know that quote and love it!” Yes! Finally! Someone gets it!

 

So we exit and I look back and take one last pic of the girls at our table.

Helen's friend has resorted to tracing her letters in sharpie, and Helen is still peeling off her letters.

Helen’s friend has resorted to tracing her letters in sharpie, and Helen is still peeling off her letters.

 

And as we are leaving, I realize I had become Joe Pesci in that Snickers commercial. I was hungry. I was bitchy. I hadn’t eaten all day and had been at Maddy’s football game from 1-5 in the sun. So we leave and grab some food and wine.

Later, at home, I peel the rest of my letters off.

 

Nicole said my paint job looked like it was meant to look like chalkboard paint. ok...I'll go with that.

Nicole said my paint job looked like it was meant to look like chalkboard paint. ok…I’ll go with that.

 

 

So I text my friend Allison, because she always watches the Real Housewives too. I send her the pic and say,” I made this for you!”  And she, too, didn’t get the quote. I can’t catch a break! But I am thinking that I will be holding this Pinterest class on my deck, with wine and good friends and no rushing,  and this time there will be enough letters for everyone and I will do a better quote!  Who’s in?!?!

 

 

There should be a rule…..

September 13, 2013

There should be a rule…If you are going to have a sign and post weekly rants or views, then spellcheck, PUHLEASE! Otherwise, it’s very hard for me to even take your point of view serious. I mean the word, “Those”….Maddy learned to spell that in 1st grade. Just saying….Now don’t go spellchecking my blog…seriously.

The edited version reads" Those promoting terrorist bombings never carry a bomb"

The edited version reads” Those promoting terrorist bombings never carry a bomb”

And the reverse side reads…..

 

"Jesus said Pray for your enemies"  even the non-bomb-toting ones....

“Jesus said Pray for your enemies” even the non-bomb-toting ones….

MomCave is officially finished!

September 12, 2013

 

Remember when I bought this chair off of Craigslist two years ago for $125?

MY CHAISE

 

Well, it was actually all Khaki – colored but I had this idea that I could dye it black….which is what you see in the picture. Remember that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, where the mom was stirring the big pot of laundry at night when Charley came to tell her he found the golden ticket? She looked so sad and hot and miserable… Well, that is exactly how I felt, stirring with my big dowel rod I found in the closet from some other project I had meant to do. Hot, from the water in the washer, and arms tired, because we all know, I don’t do exercise…Hair up in a ponytail, and bored to death…. I used at least  6 bottles of black dye for the bottom cushion, that came out looking purplish – brownish, uglyish….The back cushion took 5 bottles of black dye and came out a faded black….and I bought the big bottles, not little bottles…so I gave up and had this ugly chair for the last two years.

I called the furniture store it came from and the chair cost $1000.00, which, heck yeah, I got a deal! Until I went and tried to dye it! So, we now know I can’t dye my own hair, and I can’t dye fabric….I looked everywhere online for slip covers and they were $700 and up! Ridiculous, I know, but I guess double chaises aren’t that popular of an item to make slip covers of…who knew? I asked a few people on prices for upholstering it and their quotes were $400 and up. So I decided to just chuck the chair and find a new one later. UNTIL! My mom told me to find a place that will make me a slipcover and she would pay for it and that would be my birthday present. So I was on a sewing hunting mission. But first, I had to buy shoes….So while buying shoes, Ryan calls and asks me what I am doing and I quickly change the subject to, ok I lie and say I am looking for a sewing place and the girl at the boutique quickly writes me a note saying she knows someone! So I hang up on Ryan and get the number and call and it’s a group of sisters in Carthage that sew together…for fun? I don’t know, but she charged me $185 to redo my slipcover. I bought $70.00 in white fabric and bought her new zippers since I didn’t want purplish-black zippers…and she reused every piece of that slipcover that she could.

And now my room is complete!

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Don’t you worry! I know! Its white and I have two messy boys who love Doritos and cheeze-its, and ok, I love me some cheeze-its too. But I have scothguarded that baby….and may go back for another can to just be on the safe side….but my room is now complete. So now, I am going to bring my ROKU thing downstairs and I am gonna lay in that baby and find a new series to get obsessed about….Everyone keeps talking about Breaking Bad on Facebook, so maybe I will try that. I know I am about 5 years behind…I just watched Lost last year and sadly, I can admit watching it back to back, the whole series in about 2 weeks.  So that’s where I will be from here on out….BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER!  THANKS MOM!

 

 

Someone’s not happy…..

July 2, 2013

The Sign guy has decided to ditch his “Jesus loves all” campaign, which has been his mantra since he replaced the sign that was shot down by some militant, redneck, atheist terrorists.

Ok, ok, I exaggerate….they weren’t militant, and probably not atheist terrorists either, but judging from this neck of the woods, I am safe to assume the use of redneck is fair. We all have to be careful now that Paula Deen had to go and make a national case out of using profanity…which for those of you who know me, know I have been known to cuss a time or two…

The sign guy started to lose his Christian-loving messages around Memorial Day. I just happened to drive by and saw this sign Memorial Day weekend.

"Memorial Day and Corrupt Leaders do not go togather"

“Memorial Day and Corrupt Leaders do not go togather”

Yes I realize “togather” is misspelled. His grammatical errors drive Ryan crazy.  I tell Ryan, “you’re the numbers guy, I’m the English gal, let me worry about this….and I think he may have run out of the letter “E’s”….Unless he is being crafty and devious and trying to state something that none of us would understand…But that would be crazy right? And he is a little crazy….

But yesterday, my dear cousins came to visit and I just happened to drive by, not on purpose, I swear! When lo and behold, there was a new sign! And it was naughty!  It was crazy! And it’s just the kind of old crazy that I love…. I did a U-turn and told my cousin Kim to “Snap the picture!” She said, “Just pull over and I will get out”,  and I slowed to an almost-stop when that damn dog came running out. I told her, “We can’t stop! He’ll sic the dog on us!” and just as soon as  I said that, the little Chihuahua came running over to bark. So we snapped a pic and then snapped a pic of the other side which was just as loony!

"gay is the new slang for pervision"

“gay is the new slang for pervision”

Reread that sign…Because I thought it read, “gay is the new slang for perversion” but once Ryan called to bitch about it saying “pervision”,  I realized it was another grammatical error….”He ran out of the letters ‘R’ “, I said. But secretly was miffed that I didn’t notice it before Ryan did. I blame on the boys being loud and making fart sounds in the back of the car, which has now become my number 2 pet peeve! My number 1 pet peeve is when they actually fart in the car. I know they are boys but I have ZERO patience for that shit.

Also, look out how tense my grip is on the steering wheel….My hands are at 10 and 2, and clenched like a little old lady driving on the highway.  That damn dog unnerves me.

The other side of the sign says…..

"Perverted leaders must be gay"

“Perverted leaders must be gay”

Obama is gay?!?! and Black!?!?! We have a gay, black, un-American president?!?! What is the world coming to?!?!

I have yet to find an online sign like this to rant on daily and publish, but once I do, watch out. Because this mama isn’t holding back….

Oh yes….welcome back my friend…..

May 17, 2013

"A foolish and immoral leader destroys a nation"

“A foolish and immoral leader destroys a nation”

My favorite town crazy has been on hiatus lately….no crazy rants on his sign. Only peace filled messages of how Jesus loves us and how he loves Jesus…Yet the latest news of the Benghazi scandal, has sent my freedom of speech sign-posting crazy back over the edge….I can’t tell you how delighted I was and how I secretly am hoping for more rants…You know I will keep you posted….

“you calling me fat?!?”

January 23, 2013

I have to say first, the sign guy got a new sign!!!! HIP HIP HOORAY! I wasn’t able to snap a pic because my phone was in the trunk, don’t ask, at least I wasn’t texting and driving…but I will post his new sign tomorrow…

I had to take the boys to the pediatrician today. Cameron was in the hospital this weekend with pneumonia and flu and the boys were due their annual checkup today. The boys are growing and Cameron is getting better, but the pediatrician called me fat! Yep, you read right. And I didn’t even step on the damn scale! And by the way, I’m looking for a new pediatrician….He told me the boys were good, but that Maddy was close to being overweight and judging from me, it runs in the family. I said, “did you just call me fat?!?!” and he said, “no,” and quickly changed the subject. Seriously, I know I put on some holiday pounds but come on. Seriously, COME ON!
I’m going to move on…I’m getting moody just telling you about it.

After the dr’s visit and some retail therapy at Target, I come home and quickly scan through facebook. So, I open facebook and just quickly roll through the feed and comments and seems today was an interesting day amongst fellow facebooker friends and the 6 degrees….I will just post them below and maybe you will find as humorous as I did today. Seems I wasn’t the only one who had a stressful day….and hopefully they won’t mind being quoted….

“Seriously the music teacher at TAFT slapped my little sister…”

“A science teacher threw a potato at my niece a few years back – it wasn’t a good thing…lol”

“IN THE FACE!”
~~~~~~~~~~~above 3 are linked~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“out prowling …”

“The young piggies are sitting just past Walmart on 412 circle jerking…watch your speeds.”

“Be afraid of the cheese … be very afraid”

“Don’t skip dessert! It’s national Pie Day!”

“you’re fetishes are not my concern”

“Who is cooking dinner I’m hungry!!”

and on that note, I am hungry too…taking my mom out for a steak dinner and maybe some pie….

SAY IT ISN’T SO…..

January 8, 2013

sign

Some damn fool with a gun, who didn’t like our local sign guy, shot down his sign….I’ve been waiting patiently for the last 2 weeks for him to replace it but he has yet to so…I mean, come on!  Where else am I going to get my weekly laughs? Not from Ryan’s sense of humor I can tell you that much…just kidding Ryan… No,not really. 😉

Maddy was not as upset as I was…He actually said, “Finally! Now we don’t have to drive by his house all the time!” making me feel like a stalker…Then he asked me why I liked that sign so much. So I tried to explain to him the best way I could about the freedom of speech and how he was exercising his right to his freedom of speech. And how his weekly postings made my week.  I tried to explain to him that sometimes people don’t like the crazy sign guy’s words, which resulted in his sign being shot down, but that he had the right to put whatever he felt on that sign.

So now Maddy wants us to have our own sign. I told him I didn’t think the neighbors would appreciate it. Then he gave me the same speech about freedom of speech….so I am thinking about it…may not be a sign in the front yard, but I may create an online sign and post it randomly on here.  Just warning you…

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