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March 17, 2011

Driving down the road today, Ryan and Cameron and Maddy were all talking. At once. Can you say, HEADACHE? So I just sat and listened and realized that I better get used to it because I have boys. And though the conversations sounded like something off of Beavis and Butthead, I am not ready for this much boy-ness yet.

Example 1:

On our way to dinner, we drove past a strip mall, where Ryan noticed for the first time a salon called The Dark Side. I will tell you that we have been here 6 years now, and I believe that salon has too….

Ryan: “What’s the Dark Side?”

Me: “A tanning salon”

Maddy: “Mom, did you say titty salon?”

Me: “God damnit!”

Ryan: “Maddy I assure you if there was a titty salon, I’d be eating there everyday..” Ryan laughs hysterically at his own joke here. I do not….

Me: “God damnit!”

Maddy: “Hey dad, I’d go to the titty salon too.” Both are rolling with laughter now. Headache getting worse…

Cameron: “titty, ha, ha,” like Beavis’  laughs. All three boys are now rolling with laughter. I am not. Note to self, don’t go down 32nd street with them again.

example 2:

Cameron feels the need to talk every single time Maddy speaks, just to either piss Maddy off, or to hear him speak. This aggravates Maddy to no end. So we heard:

Maddox: “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, SILENCE CAMERON!!!!!”

Simultaneously Cameron: “Waddy!” that’s how Cameron says Maddy, he calls him “Waddy”….”Waddy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…”

Maddy screams “SILENCE CAMERON!!!” more than 5 times, and we finally ask Maddy if he knows what “silence” even means?  He says, “I am pretty sure it means to be quiet” so I tell him I now want “SILENCE NOW”….then Maddy says, “Did you know’ silencio’  is how you say silent in Spanish….”

I don’t know if he is being a smart ass or being a smart ass. you know? But I don’t care. I want SILENCE NOW. Do I get it?  UH, no.

Example 3:

Ryan: ” Maddy do you know what ‘Callate’  means?”

Maddy – still going on about who knows what….”No dad, what is callate?”

Ryan: “It means ‘shut up’  in spanish”  – Five minutes of conversation regarding what the difference between Silence and shut up is….We determine Shut up is a bad word.

Maddy: ” Dad said a bad word….”

Dad: “Wow, Maddy knows what bad words are?” because Maddy has yet to copy us when we cuss, thank god.

Me: “yep Maddy, Daddy cussed….From now on, we are gonna make Daddy pay 1.00 each time he says a bad word…..”

Maddy: “Who gets the money?” of course….

Daddy: “Well Maddy, I’ll make your mom pay .50 cents each time she cusses, and I can guarantee you I will have more money that she will….” I call bullshit…no one said I can’t type and cuss.

Maddy: ” well are we gonna buy toys with the money?”


Maddy: “Don’t you mean Silencio?”


There are many more examples and this was just in the span of driving across town and back….It will be awhile before we all go into town for errands and dinner…

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