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Zero Patience….

February 11, 2011

So, just now getting back to updating about the blizzaster from last week…Why so long, you ask? The store was closed all week. The kids were home…I was snowed in.. what the heck was I up to you ask??? Well, I rediscovered LMN….That’s lifetime movie network to you non-LMN watchers…And I watched all sorts of movies about crazy women..Some had some crazy husbands but for the most part the women all were obsessed or delusional, or pathetic…but I watched and watched and DVR’d….Still have four more movies to watch…I googled some of the women that were in the movies based on a true stories…Yep, the blizzaster made me a cyber stalker to the chick who helped her husband rape and kill women in Canada. She got out of jail and remarried and lives in another province of Canada…I kept thinking, how can she be normal?!? Who would marry her knowing what her and her husband did? What is her kid like? This is what happens when you watch Court TV every morning… So I decided to take a break and go back to redbox and this is the shit I have zero patience for…

First time users…

Let me set the scene up for you…I went out actually the day before the storm hit, so I could have my movies on hand in the middle of the blizzard…This was before I discovered LMN and before the flu hit us like a tsunami. So its cold, I dont want to be rude and wait outside behind the teenager and her grandma picking out movies, because its rude and would make me antsy…So I just park right behind them and stare. Nice, huh? My car is running, they know this. They go from screen to screen to read plots and synopsis’ of various movies, and the teen keeps looking back at me…I don’t smile, just stare back. I was in a mood, ok? Next thing I know, the teen runs back to the car, grabs her phone and is now asking whoever is on the other end what movie they want AND its 10 minutes later…

Next thing I know, I see a car pull on the other side of their car, so I hop out, because I am next in line, right? Yes, I revert to grade school here, no cutting allowed… So I am standing at the front of my bumper, while the teen and grandma check out. Seems standing behind them made them antsy too… I should have done this shit 15 minutes ago, when all of a sudden this chick walks right in front of me and starts to get on the machine. I am flabbergasted. I am holding 2 movies that had to be returned, so it’s not like I leaning on the front of my soccer mom car just to be doing so, especially at dusk, especially in the parking lot of Walgreens in the middle of the hood…This is not how I roll. So I get livid. I don’t know why, but I do. I start frantically texting how bullshit this is to my friend, and she says, take her pic! So I did…Then I agreed and said yep, this bitch is getting blogged about…See how angry I was? This is not normal behavior…but according to LMN, I am because if this was on one of those movies with the unstable women, this lady might just have been abducted or run over…Just saying…

So she has an earpiece phone thing on. I hate those. I never know if the person is talking to me or the person on the phone. Then I hear,” I don’t know what to do? I clicked on rent…what movie did I tell you last week I wanted to watch? It began with an S? No it wasn’t Salt….Oh I can look it up alphabetically? How? Ok, I clicked on it but I don’t see the movie? Oh wait, remember this movie? Ok, if I want it, what do I do? Add to cart? Ok, but how do I go back?”

5 minutes here...

10 minutes...


 She pauses and looks back at me, because I am starting to close in on her personal space by taking pics… Just checkout already…So I cock my head to the side like, Come on….and she turns back around and says, “ok, I will pick some out and be home soon. I’m at the walgreens on 7th…” Smart, but I must have scared her, so shame on me…After she finishes talking to the person, she turns and says, “I’m sorry, I never did this before..” Great, now I feel like shit, but hey she cut in line! So I say, “its ok, it really isn’t that hard once you get used to it”. Then she starts to check out…She fumbles with the email address three times because I think I have her flustered…So I back up and give her some space.

12 and half minutes later....

Then she misspells her name and can’t backspace right, so I speak up and tell her she really doesn’t have to do that, I always skip that step. After showing her how to skip that step, she then goes to check out…She swipes her card the wrong way 3 times and I speak up again and tell her to turn the card the other way…

14 minutes....


And just like that she is done! I have now been waiting over 30 minutes to return two movies… She waits for her 2 movies to come out and then once she pulls them out, I immediately step up and hit “Return”, then I look at her and tell her, after she apologizes for taking so long,again,  that when she comes to return, “it’s really simple, all you hit is return, and wait for it to tell you to put the movie in the slot and magically, it takes it and you are done!” She thanks me then asks what I rented and I told her my husband rented Red and something else that I didn’t get a chance to watch. She then says she wanted to rent Seraphina but for some reason couldn’t. I told her if it didn’t show on the screen then it meant that it was sold out but that she could go to another Redbox…perhaps the Wal-Mart down the street?  Those Wal-Mart people would eat her alive with their impatience… So yes, I feel bad. I helped her out and am bitching about it, but you know what, I don’t have patience for that kind of crap…and the movie I wanted to rent, Catfish, wasn’t available til the next day…when the blizzard hit. Damn my luck! I could have driven to another redbox and returned those movies and been home already.

So three days later, aka post-flu coma,  I rented Catfish!

 I believe it was based on a true story. It was sad. It was a little horrific…Let me tell you about it…This cute guy in New York makes friends with an 8-year-old online who seems to have the gift of painting portraits. She sends him a painting and they begin a pen-pal relationship where she sends him paintings. He is in his early 20’s and somehow the 8-year-old mentions her sister, who happens to be on Facebook. So he adds her. And she is gorgeous. They now begin an online relationship and he starts to have feelings for her. Once he becomes invested though, he finds out that she has lied to him. An innocent, not so dangerous lie, but either way, he is offended. So he starts to research and finds more lies. The deeper he researches the more he finds out and his friends convince him the only way to find the truth is to travel and show up for a surprise visit! I mean she has already said she loves him…So off they go. The movie is shot as a documentary. His friends behind the camera, egging him on, teasing him..So they arrive to a house that she does not live at…When they arrive at the little sister’s house, the 8-year-old artist, we, the audience are shocked at what the truth is. I won’t blow the reveal, but I will tell you it made me sad. It made me sad for both him and her….It was crazy, it was sad, it was hopeful,  it was probably on some level, expected…how does that saying go of it being too good to be true?  The movie was good, rent it!

I watched Buried…Ryan Reynolds…Hello?!?

 Let me warn you, the whole movie was shot with the him the coffin…The first 10 minutes, I was not a fan. I almost turned it off, til he called his mother in law and told her to fuck off in his Ryan Reynold’s humorous, cute way that he does. Then I perked up because this is his personality I like. From there on I was hooked. I was hopeful, I was devastated, I was crying, I was excited. And by the end of the movie, my heart was beating so hard, even ten minutes later. RENT IT!

I went and watched Black Swan…It was different…It was good. I do think Natalie Portman will win the Oscar for her role. It had so many different ways that you could critique, but selling it as a psycho thriller was the easy way to draw an audience…It’s not something I would probably watch again though..If I did, it would only be to analyze it further…For instance, I didn’t realize til towards the end of the movie that Natalie Portman’s character is always shot with her reflection in view….in mirrors, windows…til the end scene…So if I watched it again it would be to further analyze the director’s view and camera angles…

I watched Inception. I will admit I was scratching lotto tickets for the first 15 or 20 minutes, followed by filing my nails, so if you haven’t watched it yet, take note, you need to pay full attention at all times. I came into full focus of the movie about 30 minutes in. I listened and semi-glanced up in the beginning and understood what he was trying to do, but came in on the parts where the dreams were being  “created”…Long story short, it was about a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream. I might have left off a dream there. Really, it was like layers of dreams they create in order to get the code to a safe, and at the same time, there is the sad, love-story plot of Leonardo and his wife, all mixed in…It was a long movie, and I do want to watch it again just to see how the dreams were created in the beginning…Poor Ryan came in during the middle of the dream cycle and was completely lost. But I will save that til the next blizzaster rolls through. It did, however, make me want to watch Shutter Island again.

The American with George Clooney was so good. So beautiful in that foreign film kind of way. Maybe just because it had George in it…Makes me want to rent more Clooney movies..But it was good. It was arty, it was, in the end, a love story but had just enough guns and action for males to want to watch.


 Paranormal Activity 2….

Ok, so I couldn’t wait to watch it. I actually rented it at 11:00 am. Yes, I opened late in order to ensure I would get my copy the day it was released. I am warped, I know. So I wait til midnight to watch. Why? Because that’s what time bad ass Cameron finally passed out. Good lord! He fell asleep at 9:30 but something woke him around 11 and he was up til he finally crashed at midnight. Even Ryan was passed out. So here I am in bed, lights are all out, movie starting…and I get scared. I send out midnight texts to a couple of friends, hoping they will tell me to buck up and watch the movie, but no response from either makes me more scared. I scream out a couple of times, waking Ryan in the process and he watches with one eye open for a while til he falls back asleep…but in the end, I was not impressed. The first one was ten times better. This one had a lot of just still camera action where you just have to sit and watch and scan the screen for something to happen. They made the happenings very inconspicuous. I had to look hard, like Finding Waldo here. And I believe the ending of this movie was the preface to the first movie…I can’t be sure, but I think that is what happens…Anyway, save your buck.

Can I recommend the Town again? I am now reading the book the movie was made from, Prince of Theives by Charles Hogan…I am loving it just as much I think but I am missing Benny’s face… So I just sit back and imagine him while I read. Yes, I have a bad crush on Mr. Affleck…

This weekend, eh, I don’t know what I am going to do…Finish my book for sure…Maybe watch another crazy woman LMN movie…but I dunno…there’s always that Jillian Michaels workout dvd…sheesh, yeah right.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Heather P permalink
    February 11, 2011 7:53 PM

    Love, love, your movie reviews!! Way better than the usual critics crap!!


  2. February 11, 2011 8:01 PM

    yay! thank u!


  3. Julie permalink
    February 12, 2011 7:53 AM

    I’ve never done the Redbox thing, but I am just like you at the automated machine at the post office. Come on, people, it’s really not that difficult.


  4. Carrie permalink
    February 13, 2011 2:08 PM

    I was totally one of those “midnighters” you texted during Paranrmal Activity. And to hear it wasnt worth a flip really depresses me:)

    Can you believe some people and their audacity to cut in front of you?!? You handled that waaaaay better than I would have. Not only would I have told that woman off, I would have given her a hand gesture or two.
    I watch LMN too and during Christmas I saw the one w/ Jennifer Love Hewitt where she goes to work at that “spa” but its actually a whorehouse. The movie doesnt really scream “Happy Holidays”, but it sure was a good one!


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