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Oh happy night…

September 25, 2010

First a little poetry for my favorite diet dr. guru…

Oh Diet Dr. Guru,

How much did I lose???

What?!?!  Ten pounds you say?!?!

How? There’s no freakin way!

You see the last two months have been bad, no,  HELL!!!

I had a burn, a sprain, and a bad tooth, but all’s well…

I’ve eaten take-out the last month and a half,

And the only exercise I had was a few good laughs…

But I’ll take your 10 pounds and try once more…

To stop the no pop-drinking, or as I say, crack war…

Next month, I am hoping for 15, maybe 20 pounds…

Who am I to be so optimistic, by leaps and bounds?

 You see, I have overcome my fright,

Because this last visit filled me with such delight!

I have to say, I love my pop, my cupcakes, my ice cream for sure,

But I believe that your blue and white pill is the cure.

So next month I’ll post another ode for you to view,

Wish me tons of luck on losing quite a few!


So now for some randomness….

Oh the things I loved about tonight…let me list them for you…

1. Silence, yes, silence, for that’s what I hear right now, as I blog.

2. The Herb Mediterranean Chicken pizza from Papa Murphy’s…Yep, still doing the take out thing…who would have thought that Ryan would love this pizza? He loves his pizza, the Canadian bacon, which I refuse to order 99% of the time…But I cooked the pepperoni pizza way too long, ok, I burnt that pizza. Ryan claimed he almost broke a tooth…It was stuffed pizza, so I thought I had to double the cooking time…By the way, those directions were right, it only needed 15 minutes, not 30…So ryan was left to eat my chicken pizza…it came with spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, feta cheese, huge chunks of white meat chicken on a garlic sauce…And he loved it. He loved it so much, he called and asked me to pick up another pizza tonight and bring it home…and then he added for good measure, for me to not to burn it..But yes, it is good, and I love it! And I didn’t have to cook except to turn the oven on!

3. Schwann’s margarita’s…yes, that’s right, I said Schwan’s…Leave it to the travelling grocery salespeople to market frozen margaritas individually packed in a 6 count box to suburban housewives. All you do is nuke it for 15 seconds, and add a shot of tequila, and presto! You have the perfect frozen margarita. I loooove it. So I had me two tonight. Yes, two…

4.  The hot, and when I say hot, I mean, no cold water added at all, strictly hot water running, into the jacuzzi bath that Ryan prepared for me, along with the bubbles!

5. My new In Style magazine that came in the mail. Yes, hot bubble bath, new magazine, no kids, because Ryan took them to the mancave so I could relax… perfect way to end the day…

UNTIL….Let me list the things I loathed….

1. I’ve become old all of a sudden. Either it’s that, or my shoes are killing my feet…and as I type this I can see Ryan’s shaking his head and saying, “tsk, tsk, I told you those shoes were too small…” But I will stop there because that was an ugly fight..Anyway, I think I have to say, no blog, that I think Ryan was right. I have worn those shoes for the last few weeks to work, and lately my heels just ache. Today, I literally walked in the house, and walked like the old man on the movie, UP! without the cane…I was all hunched over, and limping, and I am only 35. What the shit happened? So I took a pain pill, because I didn’t want to wait for the Tylenol to take effect. And along with that, I took my last antibiotic. And along with that, I had two margaritas and some yummy chicken pizza…anyway, Ryan being the good husband he has always been, ran me a super hot bubble bath to ease the achiness…

2. uh, you know the bath is too hot when you start sweating like a pig….I  am reading my In Style, page by page and not even realizing that every five seconds I am wiping my brow. By the end of the magazine, my feet and legs are hanging out of the tub and I can see the magazine moving up and down with every beat of my heart. The hot bath is just what I needed, my legs feel better, my feet feel better and besides the heat and the sweat, I feel refreshed…enter Maddox…Hey mom, Can I take a bath…sure ,I was just getting out…Hey mom, I see your boobies…I’ll leave out my response…Hey mom, this water is hot…I always said Maddox was super smart…I grab my robe, which I never wear, but am so hot and dizzy, that I just reach it for it. I immediately recline in the theater chair, and start to contemplate things…one, I probably shouldn’t have taken that hydrocodone with the margaritas…two, my heart is still beating quite hard. To the point, that I can feel the pulse in my head, in my lower back, on my chest, and then I start to notice the rhythm is off…thump, thump, thump, thump, long pause…thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, long pause…then I started thinking, shit ,my heart is going to slowly just stop! then it sped up, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…then I would think, ok, never mind…then it would slow down again…I must have looked deep in thought or shock, because I hear, Hey mom, what are you doing?  Just laying here….ok…five minutes later, same question…this time I say I am going upstairs to bed. Me too, this water is too hot….

3. I don’t like sharing my bed…I come upstairs, lay face down and start noticing that my head is throbbing, where did that come from? Hey mom, can I watch Nick Jr? sure, why not? A few minutes later, I hear Cameron running down the hall, Mom! Mom! Mom! Bath? Bath? Bath? Then I hear Ryan start bath water in the bathroom across from our room and he comes in starts to massage my feet. Oh yes, it was perfect for about 2 minutes. Then I hear, “What the hell? Get out of the tub now!” Maddy runs to investigate and comes back to report that Cameron has flooded the bathroom floor. Four towels and three bathmats later, the boys are in bed with me watching Nick Jr. and twenty minutes later they are asleep.

Now I have to say that Ryan has read my blogs, and feels that my blogs are not bitchy blogs, but “let’s bitch about Ryan blogs”…I want to clarify in writing that Ryan has been perfect lately. (GASP! SHOCK! I know!) He has cleaned, he has helped with the boys, he ran me a hot bath and gave me a 2 minute foot massage, did I mention he is cleaning? He has been perfect. So in my little world, I am happy. We are compromising, we are working together, and as my dear friend Annie once said, “If mama aint happy, no one’s happy” or as Ryan says in his jersey voice, “Happy wife, happy life!”

Now tomorrow night, I am taking Ryan to another movie date, and yes it will be a horror flick…and I will sit on the right side, and hog the arm rest. And I will have one eye on the movie and one eye on Ryan, because I am wise to his wise ass antics…and maybe I can scare the bejesus out of him…

One Comment leave one →
  1. Annie permalink
    September 26, 2010 1:23 PM

    You left out the part about me texting you sixty times freaking out about “I Am Legend”!!! hahahahahaha 🙂

    Oh Har – your blogs crack me up. I don’t think they are “bitching about Ryan” blogs at all — I think they are “Bahar figuring out Bahar” blogs. He is just a supporting actor, though he probably should get some kind of award! 😉





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