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Fright night humor…

September 5, 2010

Ah, let me begin by telling you this is day 2, and I am still in a good mood. Score 2 for me! So today, I waited all day for two things…King crab legs for dinner, and date night to the movies to see The Last Exorcism. Crab legs were awesome, by the way. I will tell you this is the first time I have actually cooked since the burn 3 weeks ago, and I was actually shaky about the steam, and the boiling water, so good, old Ryan helped out and even cleaned up afterward. Shocker, I know!  So we leave, and I think, “awww, he really does love me, he even cleaned…” Little did I know that good old Ryan had a master plan….To try to scare the pee out of me during the god blessed movie.  So let me set the scene up for you….I decide to wear my glasses to the theater, because I don’t want to miss one scary scene. Yes, I am deranged, I love being scared. Love it! Love it so much so, that I take my contacts out and wear my glasses to the theater!

So we sit, and of course, all of you who know me personally, know I have zero common sense, sit down at the very first seat at the end of the row, which means Ryan will be on my right. He says, “really?!” And I shush him and tell him to sit, not realizing what his sarcasm meant til he started hogging the arm rest. I clear my throat and point down to my bandaged arm and he ignores me and makes sure there is no room for sharing, and I think, the payback for doing the dishes has begun….Sit tight, it gets better….So we are watching the previews with all the other high school kids there and I am sad to say that I think Ryan was the oldest guy in there. 🙂 Maybe I was too, but nah, I don’t  think so…anyway, I digress….so the previews start and I will tell you it looks like there are 3 more super scary movies coming out in the next two months which makes me super excited!  Then the movie starts, The Last Exorcism…And for all of you who think you know what it’s about, let me assure you, it’s not what you think!  I am now sitting with my feet perched on the chair in front of me and my arms and hands clinging to my knees because of the arm hog on the right. Several scenes later, I scream out, as does many other people, and I think, “oh yes, the fun has begun!”  Then Ryan nudges me and points to the people in the row directly in front of us and gives me that look that says, “Can you believe this shit?” and I look and 3 of them are on their cell phone texting. I shrug and go back to watching my movie, when NUDGE, again…I look at Ryan and he complains the lights off their phones are distracting him. I give him a look that says, “I don’t give a shit and shut up”. Back to the movie and now is the part where it gets  really scary….so scary that my tummy starts to hurt and I think, ok, this is a little more scarier than I bargained for…Maybe we should just go home…So I actually look at Ryan and say, “hey, let’s go home!” and he says, “no way, it’s just getting good”.  You know how every book and every movie has the climactic part where you are sitting at the edge of the seat waiting for something to happen….well get this…Ryan, being the comedian that he thinks he is, has this whole time been crushing the movie ticket stub between his fingers and rolling it into the tiniest little ball you have ever seen. And using his swift sporty moves, flicks it just at the moment when I am sitting at the edge of me seat, and “TINK” (that’s the sound of the paper ball ricocheting off my glasses, yep it was loud too, and somehow this genius timed it just when the whole theater and movie was silent) and I immediately jump two inches out of my chair and scream, “God dammit Ryan!” and he shrieks with the quietest laughter ever. So did the people behind us, and well all around us….He laughed so hard he was shaking, and I was fuming and silently thankful to the dear Lord that I didn’t pee.  So then the movie is full on and the whole exorcism scenes make all of us scream and jump at just the right moments, but I notice Ryan is sitting strangely askew. I silently am hoping that he threw his back out laughing at me, and when the movie ends, and as we walk out of the theater with his arm around my shoulder, he tells me he was sitting that way because the people behind us had their feet on the back of his chair, and all he smelled during the movie was their gross foot odor. Serves him right, I tell him, for flicking that stupid ball at me, which makes him roll with laughter again, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha….He loved it. I loved the movie minus the hilarious antics of Ryan, not so thrilled about the ending, as everyone had told me to prepared for, and I would definitely recommend it to those who love to jump out of their seats. It’s that kind of movie! 

On a sad note, upon arriving home, I was saddened that Ann was no longer here. I would have loved to run to her house and tell her about all the scary parts and begged her to go again with me, and I then, would have become Ryan and tortured her throughout the whole movie, because that’s what I love to do, scare the hell out of Ann.  So Annie, this blog is for you!  Please take Kayla and watch between your fingers through the whole movie and think of me! You would love it!

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. September 5, 2010 1:34 PM

    O.M.F.G.

    HELLZNO.

    Are you insane. I owe Ryan a big ass cannoli for scaring the piss out of you. If he deserved foot oder, you deserve to pee your pants. I can’t believe you went to see that. Sheeeesh. Woman. Remind me why we are friends again!

    Har – you are hilarious. I’m so glad you have had two great days in a row and I’m glad you had a date night with this funny story. You deserve some fun and happiness in your life. I swear. Your blogs make me laugh so hard — even when I’m not supposed to laugh. I guess that’s just how we roll though.

    BOO!

    hahahahahahahahahahahaha –

    xoxo

    Like

  2. iamsurly permalink
    September 5, 2010 2:21 PM

    See now, I have some sympathy for poor Ryan… but he needs to man up. I would have snatched the phones from the people in the row in front of you and broken the big toe of the jackass with his feet on Ryan’s seat.

    Like

  3. September 5, 2010 3:23 PM

    Don’t be feeling all bad for Ryno, he could have easily flicked that paper ball at the guy behind him! He said his intention was to hit the kids with their cell phones on and he looked over at me and saw me staring at the movie intently, when the “light bulb went off that I’ll just get you”…so yay he didn’t have a masterplan, but I will tell you even later that night he was rolling with laughter. He loves scaring the shit out of me. And I can’t wait to get him back!

    Like

  4. September 7, 2010 3:22 AM

    I am laughing so hard!!! You will have to get Ryan back! Ann- I am with you on the Hell to the No on scary movies!!!!

    Like

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