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For the love of bacon….

August 16, 2010

I am trying to cut back on my cussing…maybe my bad mojo lately is due to my potty mouth? I know, I am reaching…but what the hell else have I done to deserve the long list of aches and pains I have encountered??? Let’s list them one by one…

1.) I mistakenly used a magic eraser on my face to remove hair dye…result = severe abrasions, also known as some bad ass burns….looked like Gorbachev’s birthmark on the left side of my face. And people noticed, you couldn’t help but notice, but very few boldly asked…I think they thought it was a birthmark!

2.) Sprained wrist! Out of the blue, rare freak accident, which caused me tremendous pain and tears…anyone who knows me, knows I will do anything to not cry over pain. But I am convinced my tears were more of angry tears due to the hubs lack of compassion and sense of humor….

3.) Rare freak accident where the kitchen door chips and breaks my big toe nail, ironically, on my way out to the market!  Tore it halfway down and chipped layers off the top as well, so it’s all bumpy and funky looking. Mind you, this is the same door I leave and enter for the last 6 years of my life. Never happened before…

4.) Tooth ache! Out of the blue, I feel this pain under my crown. I complain to my mom and Ryan and they both think it’s from me grinding my teeth at night. I think, ok, I’ll try to stop…Next day, I wake up, get ready for work, brush my teeth, floss and the floss gets stuck under my crown and from that moment on, I have had excruciating pain in my jaw.  Its Friday and every dentist I have called is closed on fridays….I think ok, I’ll take 4 tylenols and see how it goes…no change whatsoever. Saturday is pretty much the same pain, if not a little worse…then freak accident #5 happens…

5.) 2nd degree burns from elbow down to hand. Of course, it was my right hand. I never cook bacon in a skillet, precisely because I hate that popping grease and it never fails, I always get hit. Last time I tried, it popped me right under my eye, and I said, hell  to the no, I will buy the bacon that’s already cooked and nuke it from now on….So, let the record show, I didn’t even cook the bacon. It was the bacon off the bacon-wrapped filets Ryan brought home. Mind you, this is the first time we ever cooked the bacon. It wasn’t even for us! Maddy just happened to be in the kitchen and saw Ryan pull it off and asked for Ryan to make him a bacon sandwich. I swear on my burned, fleshy arm that Maddy has never asked for a bacon sandwich before in his life. I clearly remember telling Ryan, no, he won’t eat it. Grill him a hamburger. And Ryan said he could have a bacon burger…Next thing I know, Ryan is cooking it and I am emptying the dishwasher. I start to clean up and load the dishwasher with the few cups we had in the sink and I notice the skillet on the stove. Ryan cooked 2 little slices of bacon and I didn’t even glance in the skillet. I saw the bacon and thought there isn’t any grease from that, and not realizing the skillet was still super hot, grabbed it and turned quickly to the sink, when the grease that was in it flew up arm. I screamed just as Ryan walked into the kitchen from outside, and he screamed, what were you thinking! I ignored him and started running cold water and thinking it was just a few drops, was shocked to see my whole arm turning purple. Frantically, I grab a rag and start pressing it on my arm and realize that I am going to cry. Ryan starts to wipe the grease up off the tile, and again asks what was I thinking and I really don’t even know what I responded. I vaguely remember saying I didn’t think it was hot or that there was grease in the skillet and that it hurt really bad. I run upstairs to run it under the bathtub so I can fully soak it and cry without anyone seeing me. And when I mean cry, I mean cry. I was bawling. Like a baby. I couldn’t breathe it hurt so bad. I am proud to say that I have had a breast reduction and did not cry. I was in labor with Maddy over 20 hours and did not cry…I did cry with Cameron’s labor because the epidural did not work, but luckily he came out as soon as I started to cry… Once I saw the purple welts raise to the point that my whole arm was swollen and grotesque, I called my mom and she said I needed to go to the ER. Luckily, I still had my bra on and my work clothes on, which is rare, because once I get home, I get into sweats or jammies. I run downstairs just as Ryan is plating the filets and tell him he needs to take me to the ER. Once he saw my arm, he started yelling for the boys to get in the car. On the way to urgent care, I start doing my labor  breathing, since it’s the only thing I knew to do because I did not want to start crying again. My arm felt like it was on fire, and the cold rag I had pressed against it was now hot. We get to urgent care and they have me soak it in a trash can of ice water and at first I think, no way, that shit is too cold, but once I stuck my arm in it, I never pulled it back out. An hour later the welts had gone down quite considerably and they come in to put the cream on it. We came home, I saw the stupid bacon sitting on the counter, and threw it away and swore for reals this time, I would never cook bacon in a skillet again…and that goes ditto for Ryan.

So here it is Sunday. The pain in my jaw is so severe, when I speak, I try to whisper because it hurts to even talk. I am frantically applying oragel every 10 minutes and snap at Ryan the minute  he starts to bitch about me applying it too much. I am now fearful its abscessed. My whole left side of my bottom gums appear swollen. Now I feel it on the top of  my top row on the left hand side and now my ear hurts. I start to remember this freak story that my mom told me while she was in nursing school of a girl who had an abscessed tooth so long that the infection spread to her sinuses and ate her cheekbones and she had to have reconstructive surgery. So now I am frantically praying that it’s not eating my sinus bones. or my ear bones, since my ear now hurts. And that I don’t have to have all my bottom teeth removed, because that’s what it feels like. And I feel so stupid because almost every night before I go to sleep I eat a piece of chocolate..whether it be a m&m or a Hershey kiss or a brownie….but most nights I need a little bit of chocolate…started with my pregnancy with Maddy. The books said if you ate chocolate everyday you would have a happy baby, so I went with that and ran, and granted Maddy was a perfect baby, perfect! I still eat the chocolate 6 years later. So, tomorrow I will be anxiously awaiting to hear from the dentists I left messages with, and will pray for the love of bacon, please let there be no more injuries! I can’t take it!

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Annie permalink
    August 16, 2010 11:04 AM

    OH HAR! This photo is nothing like the way it showed up on my phone! I am so sorry. I want to cry just thinking about how much it must hurt.

    Hopefully Leora will get you in today and get the tooth pain down and then you can focus on the arm pain. She likes to dish up the Percocet. I suggest taking it with a couple of martinis. This is a time honored cure established by my mother.

    I am going to meditate on you all day, sending you all of the positive purple energy I can muster.

    love you!


    • August 16, 2010 12:18 PM

      thank you annie. I will gladly recieve your purple energy light!!! I woke up with a call from work at 4 am and after hanging up, realized my arm was soaked, so I wake ryan up and tell him he needs to help me change my bandages. He did, without a complaint! so he is handling this well. I hadn’t taken my pain pill since 7 pm the night before so I was due for one and for once since returning home from the ER, my arm hurt worse than the tooth. So I popped another hydrocodone, and fell fast asleep, until my calls started again at 6:50! argh! I am so glad my mom is coming up so I can go to the dentist, take my pain meds and sleep til 5:00 when the calls come around!


  2. August 16, 2010 2:10 PM

    OMG Bahar!!! THAT IS HORRIBLE!!!!!!!! I am sending every color positive thoughts I can think of…..purple, pink, yellow you name it! let me know if you need anything I will sure try to help!


    • August 17, 2010 4:45 AM

      thanks jenn! its not been my month! but send lots of pink energy!


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