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ODE TO THE DIET DOCTOR….

July 21, 2010

Oh Diet Doctor guru

What would I do without you?

Even though I only see you twice a year,

Each of those visits plagues me with fear!

My last visit was 5 months back,

And I have inhaled Dr Pepper like I was on  crack….

Imagine my shock that I had only gained 5 pounds!

And yet,  my whole body has become quite round…

So I am going to try, try, try to take this pill each day

And next time I will be happy to step up and weigh

So wish me luck on this pill taking, diet eating, no pop-drinking saga

I’ll be the one , huffing and puffing, listening to lady gaga….

Next month I’ll post what I have lost and maybe found

and hopefully my body will be less round!

So on top of the stomach wrenching visit to the dr, I have been quite busy! I just had my 29th birthday! ok, so it was really 35, but Ryan keeps trying to tell me I am 36 so I can get confused and he can laugh his ass off at my inability to do math.  I had quite a few Wedding cake martini’s with my good friend Carrie Vanover. We crashed my neighbors pool, sorry Jane!  But after a few drinks, I felt the need to learn to how to dive…God bless Taylor, Carrie’s husband, for thinking he could teach us…Carrie actually succeeded and mastered her first dive…After 4 belly flops and many feet first jumps, Taylor told me to just lay on the diving board and creep up til my gravity took over and fell head first…Two things to learn from this…first, this is not a dive. I know they clapped and hollered and thought it was but it wasn’t. that was a roly poly’s version of a dive…no hands, no feet, just scooching up the diving board til my ass fell over. secondly, have  u ever scooched up a diving board? it doesn’t feel good. its all textured and bumpy and hard. it hurt…almost worst than the diving belly flop…then we decided to have a cannonball contest, which now that I think about it, ryan never did…thanks ryno…I was petrified that it would be like the movie, Shallow Hal, and I would jump and Carrie would land on the other side of the fence…Thank the dear lord that didn’t happen..and by the way, I can’t do a cannonball either…I was too busy trying to hold my nose.  On a happier note, I scored some really good jewelry as birthday gifts and took myself shopping and scored some cute dresses (which were tight, hence the diet dr visit)  and some makeup and shoes (because they always fit!).  ahhh, so my birthday is over, the babies are returning home, and life goes on…You will be proud to hear that my dear ryan did get the panera gift card and did sit across from me and maintained a “happy, thrilled to be here” look on his face.  That was the best torture, I mean birthday present, ever! I brought the laptop but didn’t have the heart to make him sit there for four hours while I surfed the net. Damn, I’m a good wife. Though he calls Panera the “$8.00 sandwich store”, he sure enjoyed his Chipotle Chicken sandwich and I had my usual. It was a great weekend.  I even closed up shop on Tuesday in lieu of the fact that I didn’t have kids, and that I was the boss, so I could do that, and so today is Wednesday and Friday is two days away! I need to do this more often! I love that the week has already halfway gone! And guess what today is …powerball drawing day! I got a free powerball ticket for my birthday…lets see how much the powerball gods love me…if my blog suddenly disappears…u’ll know I won and went into hidden anonymity and how can you be bitchy with millions of dollars?!? !? WISH ME LUCK !

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One Comment leave one →
  1. August 10, 2010 6:08 PM

    omg – i needed that laugh so much!!!! AMEN!!!

    Like

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